A great time to be a sports fan

Every day, I wake up with the exact opposite look on my face that Dane Cook must have when he awakens in his dilapidated Los Angeles bungalow next to some tranny, looks around, gathers his bearings, checks out the tramp next to him, smells his own morning breath and thinks to himself, "How did I get here?." My four favorite teams (the Pats, Red Sox, Todd and Celts) have odds of 7-to-5, 6-to-5 7-to-2 and 7-to-1 to win their respective championships. It's an embarrassment of riches. I'm embarrassed. Any Boston/Todd sports fan in 2007 feels vindicated as hell (for keeping the faith for 15 unhappy years from October '86 to October '01) and lucky as hell (for everything that's happened since). I know what you are thinking, here comes another column all about how lucky I am to have all of my favourite sports teams playing at such a high level right now. Another article about how I am thrilled not that I don’t have to sweat out the next month worrying about a-rod, whose going to manage my team, if my quarterback was a fluke last season and if he is going to choke in the playoffs again. Well, sorry Jack-o here comes another one of those columns.
Look at it like this. If everything works out, next week we will have one of the biggest weeks in any Boston/Todd fans life. This will be a weekend that you will be able to tell your grandchildren about in twenty years. This is the kind of weekend that your grandchildren can tell their grandchildren about in sixty years. We have Kevin Garnett debuting. Donning the green and white jersey with more determination since anyone has since Larry the Legend. We could have another potential bloody sock game with the red sox going against the hated Colorado Rockies. (Okay, maybe not hated but I have to do something to pump myself up for this series.) Can’t you just imagine how long one of Papi’s home runs could travel in that thin, mile high, air. I am giddy just thinking about it. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget the dismantling of the reigning super bowl champions when, possibly, the 9-0 patriots go head to head versus the 9-0 colts in what could be the biggest non-playoff game ev-er.
There is one thing that I am even more excited about though. As great as Tom Brady, Manny or KG is going to be there is one more story line that excites me even more. Todd versus Nait.
That’s right, where the nhl dropped off, Thursday night bubble hockey at frizzy’s has taken over. This season on the whole has been as unpredictable as Seth on the pot during the last season of the o.c. Of the eight teams in the league, every single one is still up for a playoff spot. What sport can say that right now? The last week of the season and everyone could still make the playoffs!!! So here are my power rankings going into the last week. If you don’t follow, well you need to. This is more dramatic than Friday Night Lights and 90210 combined. Sure, maybe it isn’t as sexy as 90210, but at least they dress more modernly….. Well, except for maybe nait.


The Bruce Coslett Division
8. Chief.
Adam started off the season as one of three expansion teams in the league this year. (bubble hockey franchises are about as profitable as nhl teams!) In his first week of action he went two and one with his sole loss coming in a heart breaking game where pat came back from two down. Since then he hasn’t won a single game. He has been fighting hard each week with no loss coming by more than two goals. Still though, I can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t have the big game mentality. He is sort of like Derek Jeter in this season’s baseball playoffs. (I am enjoying these yankee jokes too much) Next season should be better for him though, he has the highest save percentage in the league so all he has to do is tighten up on defense and good things could start happening.

7. Kris
Okay, okay, before you jump down my throat for this one let me explain. I realize that he is currently in the driver’s seat for the last playoff spot. I know that he is pretty much the only expansion team with any moves other than just holding the puck and hoping for the best. Still, there is something that makes me uncomfortable about this guy. Maybe it is the backwards hat. Maybe it is that he showed up half an hour late last week. I don’t know. Maybe it is because he spells his name with a “k”. I could not explain this to you if I tried. He does have a tough schedule coming up this week with games against P Money, Nait and Dan and to secure any victories against those three is a challenge in of itself.



6. Church Nate
The fact that he is not in 8th right now is saying a lot about his game. Historically, Churchie has been kind about as good as the Tampa Rays. Going into this season his career record was 2-47. I mean, I bet Dwight from the office scored more often than him. What does he do this season though? He wins two games already, equaling his career win total. To put this in perspective, imagine if Kyle Farnsworth was walking guys and starting fights since his career started. Then, next season, he turns into the next Mo Rivera. (All right, maybe I am laying it on a little thick) I have to admit though; I like the kids’ chances.

Enigmatic Enigmas
5. P Money
This kid is the David Ortiz of bubble hockey. Down 2-0? So what. Nothing seems to phase him. As noted by fellow espn columnist TEG, the tastefully named Nait Rey, Pat has come back from down two goals not once this season, but twice! With the rule changes put into place this season to reduce scoring this stat is almost as mind blowing as Rodger Clemens ERA during the playoffs….

4. Dan Murphy.
Dan is an incredibly average player most of the time. Coming into this season, his record was exactly at .500. He had made the playoffs every year but once but never advanced past the first round. The funny thing is how inconsistent he is from game to game. One week he can rattle off 20 shots and score five goals. Then next week he can loose 6-0. If I were a betting man I would bet my upcoming child, Nate Simmons, that Dan does not win the title this year.


The Contenders

3. Kevin
It has been an up and down year for Kevin. He has lost to the first place team twice, beaten Nait, beaten Dan, has been undefeated against expansion teams but then lost to Churchy. I think that Kevin was looking forward to his next game too much which costs him his game against Churchie. At the same time he has gone 87 games without being shutout so you can never count him out. He scares me, he hasn’t one a title yet and after the rough go of things last week I think he may come out more determined than ever.

2. Todd.
Okay, okay, I am a Todd fan. Look at this though, he has the best record in the league, the most shots, the most goals, the fewest shots against and the fewest goals allowed. I will have to consult with my friends over at stats inc. but I don’t think that has ever been done before. It should not come as a surprise then that Todd is in first place. He has lost once this season though, not surprisingly, to this guy….

1. Nait
Sure, he his stats might not say he is the best this season, a 6-3 record. A loss to Churchie. All things being equal though, he is the defending champ. Oh hell, who am I kidding? I just don’t want to jinx things by putting Todd number one….

So all things being equal I think with this week’s power rankings I have guaranteed a patriot’s super bowl championship, a Celtics nba championship, a world series trophy for the red sox and todd’s second bubble hockey league championship.

I mean, if the yankee’s can loose, so can nait, right?


Bill Simmons gets around to writing for the bubble hockey group of myspace when he gets around to it.